Bless Your Headlines: Dog Bite Edition

There are many noble professions in America. Firefighter. Teacher. Nurse. Mail carrier.

And then there is the mail carrier’s secret second job: part-time package deliverer, part-time weather survivor, part-time neighborhood dog negotiator.

The U.S. Postal Service is once again reminding Americans that while your dog may be a sweet angel baby who sleeps on a monogrammed pillow and answers to “Mr. Snuggle Biscuit,” he may also become a four-legged linebacker the moment a postal worker steps onto the porch.

Last year, more than 5,200 USPS employees were attacked by dogs. That is not a typo. That is 5,200 people who went to work expecting envelopes, bills, birthday cards and online shopping packages — and instead got Cujo in a cul-de-sac.

USPS launched its annual Dog Bite Awareness campaign on June 1 with the theme, “Don’t turn your back on dog bite prevention.”

Which is sound advice, because apparently turning your back is exactly when Buster decides to defend the homestead from a woman carrying Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.

Your Dog Does Not Understand the Mail

To be fair to the dogs, they do not know what is happening.

Every day, a stranger walks up to the house, puts mysterious objects in a box and leaves. From a dog’s perspective, this is suspicious behavior. From a mail carrier’s perspective, it is Tuesday.

The problem is that dogs are territorial by nature, and even the friendliest family pet can react unexpectedly when someone approaches the door. USPS is urging owners to secure their dogs before opening the door, keep them in another room during delivery times and make sure exterior doors are latched.

That last part is important, because nothing says “neighborhood drama” quite like yelling, “He’s friendly!” while your dog is sprinting toward a federal employee like he just spotted the last rotisserie chicken at Costco.

USPS also says customers should not accept mail directly from a carrier while their dog is present. Dogs may misread the handoff as a threat. Children should also be taught not to take mail from the carrier when the dog is nearby.

In other words, mail time is not family bonding time. It is “put the dog away before everyone ends up on a Ring camera” time.

This Can Get Expensive Fast

A dog bite is not just a bad afternoon. It can mean medical bills, lost work time, replacement clothing and emotional distress. USPS warns that dog owners may be responsible for thousands of dollars in costs if their dog attacks a postal worker.

One San Antonio letter carrier, Fiona Hudson, described being attacked by a dog that jumped a fence while she was walking her route. She used dog repellent and her mail bag to defend herself, but still ended up in the hospital with serious injuries.

Her physical wounds healed, she said, but the trauma remained.

That should stop all of us in our tracks.

Because as funny as it is to joke about dogs barking at the mailman, there is nothing funny about someone being hurt while simply doing their job.

No Safety, No Mail

USPS also has another message for dog owners: if your dog makes delivery unsafe, your mail may stop arriving at your door.

If a carrier feels threatened by an unsecured or roaming dog, delivery can be temporarily suspended. Residents may have to pick up their mail at the local Post Office until the issue is resolved. In ongoing cases, dog owners may even be required to rent a Post Office Box.

Translation: If your dog keeps acting like the porch is Fort Knox, your Amazon returns and electric bill may be taking a little field trip.

USPS says customers can also sign up for Informed Delivery, a free service that allows people to digitally preview incoming mail and packages. More than 70 million customers have enrolled since it launched in 2017. It can also help dog owners better anticipate when a carrier may be arriving.

America, We Can Do This

The latest USPS rankings show this is a nationwide issue. Los Angeles topped the city list with 70 incidents, followed by Dallas, Denver, Houston and Chicago. California led all states, followed by Texas, Ohio, New York and Pennsylvania.

So yes, this is not just one neighborhood’s problem. This is America’s porch problem.

The fix, thankfully, is simple. Close the door. Secure the leash. Put the dog in another room. Do not let your child grab the mail while the dog is nearby. Do not assume your pet will behave just because he once wore reindeer antlers for a Christmas card.

Bless our mail carriers, who brave rain, heat, snow, wind, barking, growling and the occasional canine ambush just to bring us credit card offers and things we forgot we ordered at midnight.

And bless our dogs, too. They are loyal, loving and sometimes deeply confused about federal delivery operations.

But most of all, bless every pet owner who remembers that prevention is not complicated. It just requires a closed door, a little common sense and the understanding that Fido does not need to personally inspect the mail.