Bless Buoy’s Heart: Seattle’s Mascot Nearly Becomes Bear Snack

Now, I don’t claim to be a wildlife expert, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this: if your team mascot has a run-in with a 700-pound salmon-chasing brown bear, it might be time to re-think your promotional strategy.

In a story that sounds like a rejected “Ice Age” spin-off, the Seattle Kraken’s shaggy blue-haired sea troll mascot—yes, troll—named Buoy found himself nearly turned into an hors d’oeuvre during a fly-fishing promo shoot in Alaska’s Katmai National Park. Alongside him? Kraken forward John Hayden, who presumably did not sign up for Bear Grylls: Mascot Edition.

Now I get it, hockey is about grit, toughness, and sometimes losing a few teeth—but I was under the impression that applied to games on ice, not bear-filled rivers. Yet there they were, thigh-deep in water, trying to look rugged for the kids, when a brown bear decided it didn’t like the look of Buoy. To be fair, if I saw a flailing blue-troll-hybrid in a neon vest with fish guts nearby, I might charge too.

But bless their hearts, the team did technically hire guides. I assume those guides are now looking into career changes.

The bear, perhaps after getting a good look at Buoy’s enormous head and what I imagine were very un-salmon-like facial features, decided against pursuing the sea troll. And thank goodness. Nothing says NHL spirit like your mascot going viral for becoming bear bait on TikTok.

And while the team swears the bear wasn’t part of the video shoot, it did make the final cut. Because when life gives you near-death experiences, you make content. #BearlySurvived

Now, I know we’re supposed to admire the bravery, the wilderness spirit, and the team’s effort to promote youth hockey in Alaska—a noble cause. But I also feel like someone should’ve piped up and said, “Hey, maybe we don’t film our mascot in a river during peak bear brunch hours?”

There’s a reason Fat Bear Week exists. These bears aren’t playing around. They’ve got calories to store and salmon to chase, and if a troll-shaped interloper comes splashing into their buffet line, they’re gonna investigate.

Honestly, the most Seattle part of this whole saga might be that everyone involved seemed weirdly chill about it. Kraken’s marketing director, filming from shore, said she “wasn’t scared” because the bears are used to humans. Ma’am, being used to humans and not eating them are two very different things. Ask any delivery driver in Florida.

Meanwhile, Hayden—whose job typically involves getting body-checked, not bear-checked—joked afterward that the bear was probably just curious about Buoy’s “look.” Which says a lot, considering Buoy looks like the result of a Fraggle Rock fever dream and an Etsy shop specializing in haunted sea creatures.

But here’s the thing. As ridiculous as this is—and it is absolutely ridiculous—it’s also weirdly fitting. The Kraken are the new kids on the NHL block. They don’t have a long, storied history like the Original Six. So why not build their brand on bear encounters, fashion-forward mascots, and narrowly avoiding being on the menu?

I’ll give credit where it’s due: nobody got hurt, they kept the camera rolling, and they gave hockey fans and bear-watchers alike something to talk about. Somewhere, a Canadian moose is watching this footage and whispering, “Amateurs.”

So to the Seattle Kraken, I say: keep pushing boundaries. Just maybe push them somewhere slightly less populated by apex predators next time. And if you must bring Buoy, consider swapping the fishing pole for bear spray and prayer.

Because this ain’t “March of the Penguins,” y’all—it’s “Run, Troll, Run.”