If January 6 Had a Personality, It Would Be Unhinged

January 6 shows up every year carrying a certain… reputation. It’s the day everyone loves to call National Divorce Day — when lawyers’ phones allegedly start ringing, group chats get quiet, and people decide that “new year, new life” includes separating streaming services.

But before we let January 6 spiral into a dramatic montage set to a sad piano cover, let’s take a breath. Because in true American calendar fashion, this day also comes loaded with a handful of far more ridiculous observances that deserve equal airtime.

Welcome back to Offbeat Observances, where we firmly believe the best way to survive January is by leaning into its absurdity.

Because January 6 isn’t just about breakups. It’s also about beans. Blankets. And technology. Which somehow feels very on brand.

Beans: The Unsung Heroes of January

Let’s start with National Bean Day — a holiday no one asked for, no one planned for, and yet one that exists anyway. A perfect metaphor for January itself.

Beans are the most January food imaginable. They’re cheap, filling, and unpretentious. They live in cans. They stretch meals. They survive long winters and questionable seasoning choices. Beans don’t care about your resolutions. Beans just show up.

On a day best known for relationship drama, beans quietly stand their ground. Beans do not ghost you. Beans do not argue about whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher. Beans don’t “need to talk.” Beans simply exist — loyal, dependable, and occasionally responsible for clearing a room.

If January had a mascot, it wouldn’t be a gym membership or a vision board. It would be a bean.

Cuddle Up Day: Emotional Whiplash, Calendar Edition

Then comes National Cuddle Up Day — the emotional opposite of Divorce Day and proof that the calendar has a sense of humor.

One moment we’re being reminded that relationships end. The next, we’re encouraged to grab a blanket and snuggle like it’s a snow day. The contrast is… aggressive.

Cuddle Up Day doesn’t specify who you’re supposed to cuddle, which is exactly why it works. A spouse. A dog. A cat who tolerates you for exactly four minutes. A blanket you panic-bought at HomeGoods because it “felt like winter.” All valid options.

In January, cuddling isn’t about romance. It’s about survival. It’s about calling the day “done” at 7:14 p.m. without shame. It’s about sweatpants that have seen things and a couch that understands you.

If Divorce Day represents fresh starts, Cuddle Up Day represents staying put — preferably under three layers of fleece with absolutely no plans.

Technology Day: Because Irony Is a Lifestyle

And then — because the calendar clearly enjoys chaos — January 6 also brings us National Technology Day.

Yes. On the same day we’re reflecting on relationships, we’re supposed to celebrate the devices that introduced read receipts, group texts, and the ability to accidentally like a photo from 2013.

Technology is the silent third party in modern life. It remembers everything. It stores screenshots. It sends notifications at the worst possible times. And yet, here we are, honoring it.

Still, Technology Day has a point. We live in a world where we can work remotely, FaceTime family across the country, and order groceries without ever putting on real pants. That’s not nothing — especially in January.

Technology gets us through winter. It delivers memes. It lets us mute conversations. It helps us survive Tuesdays. And honestly, that’s worth acknowledging.

What January 6 Is Really About

So what does all of this mean?

It means January 6 doesn’t have to be heavy if you don’t want it to be. The calendar can hold more than one truth at a time. Endings and comfort food. Breakups and blankets. Emotional resets and Wi-Fi.

If National Divorce Day feels like too much, you’ve got options. Celebrate National Bean Day with chili and zero expectations. Observe National Cuddle Up Day by canceling plans without guilt. Honor National Technology Day by thanking your phone for carrying you through another long winter evening.

January doesn’t need to be dramatic to be meaningful.

Sometimes it just needs to be warm, mildly ridiculous, and filled with beans.

And frankly, that feels like a better way to start the year.