Garbage Men, Strudel, and Kale Guilt: A Holiday Trifecta

June 17 is shaping up to be the kind of day that really tests your emotional bandwidth—and your digestive system. Let me explain.

First, it’s Global Garbage Man Day, which means it’s time to honor the unsung heroes of your cul-de-sac—the people who silently carry away your shame every week. If you’ve ever triple-bagged a mystery meat casserole you “accidentally” left in the back of the fridge for six weeks, congratulations. A sanitation worker came along and made your problem disappear. Like a magician, but with rubber gloves and a slightly haunted expression.

Of course, you didn’t leave out a card. You didn’t write a thank-you note. You just wheeled your bin to the curb and prayed they’d still take it after you violated every rule in the county handbook. (Yes, Tina, batteries are not recyclables. Again.)

But for one glorious day, we pretend like we appreciate them. We should appreciate them. After all, they do the dirty work—literally—so the rest of us can live in blissful denial about how much garbage we produce. If you think “garbage day” is once a week, you clearly haven’t looked inside your car’s backseat.

Now, if that wasn’t enough celebration for one Tuesday, it’s also National Apple Strudel Day. That’s right—today we honor a pastry that’s 90% flake, 10% filling, and 100% justifying your “cheat day” before breakfast. And while apple strudel technically hails from Austria, Americans have never let geography get in the way of dessert.

We’ll happily slap whipped cream on it, microwave it into oblivion, and declare it “health food” because it contains fruit. And before the keto warriors start clutching their almond flour, let me just say: live a little. Your abs aren’t invited to Strudel Day. Today is about butter, sugar, and pretending that your family recipe didn’t come from the back of a Pillsbury box.

If you really want to embrace the spirit, pair your strudel with a glass of Riesling and an afternoon nap. Bonus points if you do this while hiding in your pantry from your children, who are currently refusing to eat anything green—which brings us to our final stop on the holiday express.

Yes, my friends. June 17 is also National Eat Your Vegetables Day. The broccoli guilt trip you didn’t ask for, but definitely deserve.

This is the one day a year when kale gets to feel smug. And you get to question your life choices while staring down a flaccid carrot stick at lunch. The idea, apparently, is to “promote healthy eating habits.” Which sounds great—until you realize that somewhere, some poor soul is skipping apple strudel because they read that sentence.

Now I’m not saying vegetables are bad. I’m just saying that if vegetables were that good, they wouldn’t need a PR day. Have you ever heard of National Eat Your Cheesecake Day? No, because cheesecake doesn’t need the help. Spinach, on the other hand, requires a full marketing campaign, a cartoon sailor mascot, and still gets left behind on every buffet line.

But maybe the trick is balance. You eat your strudel. You chase it with a green smoothie. You hug your garbage man. You throw away the kale chips you thought you could commit to. Life is full of contradictions, and June 17 is a masterclass in mixed messaging.

So here’s my advice: Take your trash out with gratitude. Tip your garbage guy if you can. Have the strudel. Make it à la mode. And maybe throw a cucumber on your plate just to say you tried.

Because at the end of the day, whether you’re sorting recycling, dodging a spinach salad, or pretending strudel is a breakfast food (it is), what really matters is this:

Every day is a chance to clean up your act, sweeten your outlook, and sneak some goodness in—veggies and all.

Happy June 17, America. Now eat your greens… right after dessert.