From Taylor Swift to Toilet Seats: A Holiday Reality Check

Taylor Swift and Bathroom Etiquette. What?

Taylor Swift and bathroom etiquette. What? Stay with me here…okay, a bit of stream of consciousness involved.

Holiday Thoughts and People Watching

The Holiday season and holiday parties got me thinking (a dangerous thing, I know). I like to mingle, yet I’m an observer, a people watcher at heart – some OCD thrown in the mix, thanks to an incredibly loving Depression and WWII Era mom.

Taylor Swift, Family Karaoke, and Cultural Legends

Taylor Swift’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl, is THE big hit. My young granddaughter seems to know all of TS’s lyrics within 24 hours of release and even gets standing ovations on family karaoke nights on a cruise ship. Also, living in the Kansas City area, Taylor & Travis are already a cultural legend. For whatever Freudian reason, when I hear the album title, Life is a Highway (Rascal Flatts), it starts playing in my head…but now my granddaughter knows that song too.

Wood, Trees, and Self-Awareness

And, one of the big hit songs from Taylor’s album – Wood. Evidently, Travis Kelce and giant redwoods have some symbiotic essence. Brother, Jason Kelce, is humble enough to self-claim a Japanese Maple by simile. Self-deprecatingly, my new nickname may be Bonsai – the ageist POV might be Weeping Willow.

Thanks, Taylor! (but thank you for releasing a slightly ‘cleaned up’ version of the lyrics for the younger fans).

An All-Boy Household and a Life Lesson

I was raised in an all-boy household, and ole Bonsai was fortunate enough to procreate an all-boy household with some help from a beautiful, flowering Magnolia.

Somewhere in that process, it was passed on to me that if you love your mother, you will take the extra twenty seconds (five seconds with shorts) to sit on the toilet seat to pee, instead of testing splatter pattern science and poor aim, best left for CSI investigators.

A Mother’s Wisdom (and a Teenager’s Reality Check)

This point really sank in as a hormone-driven teenager. A mother’s wise words of wisdom pointed out that it is most likely a young heartthrob’s mom who cleans their bathroom – she will notice…and likely pass on her observations to your pubescent object of desire – and perhaps her Dad. “When you walk into their house, do you want to be seen as the firehose-kid, splatter-boy, or the courteous young man worthy of accompanying my daughter?”

Passing It On (Whether They Listened or Not)

Of course, I passed along this life’s lesson to my sons, who may or may not have paid more attention than they did in coaching them on the parabolic arc of a proper jumpshot.

Holiday Hosting Hazards

Traumatized or mannerized, hosting a holiday gathering, I find myself repeatedly with a sanitizer wipe, swiping the toilet seat and the surrounding floor area. Worse, I find myself doing much the same as a party guest. Sorry, guys – a home’s guest bathroom is not a wall-lined battery of urinals at the Chiefs’ stadium, and most households involve a unisex occupancy. Don’t make your wife, girlfriend, or the next female occupant roll their eyes at you for the rest of the party after tidying up your splash n’ dribble extravaganza.

Forests, Timber, and Perspective

I’m amused that Taylor has somehow normalized our societal objectification of Wood, wherever you might place yourself in the forest. Perhaps cocobolo, rose, padauk, zebra, ebony, canary, for the exotic, iron or ipe (for the self-delusional), and tigerwood (for cow pasture pool players), or a good ole maple, hickory, oak – a nice piece of ash (for the egocentric selfie addict).

A Simple New Year’s Resolution

So, as we wind up the year and our holiday parties, be proud of your timber’s grain-pattern, if you like, but think about spreading your holiday cheer with a warm smile and charming personality – and not your splatter-pattern…Oh, and please wash your hands!

Happy New Year to all!
– Bonsai