Today’s Holidays Are Peak America (And It Shows)

If you ever needed proof that Americans will celebrate absolutely anything, look no further than today’s lineup. May 5 isn’t just about tacos and margaritas—it’s also a day where we honor sandwiches with identity issues, smoky condiments, and the people who draw the cartoons we pretend we don’t still read.

In other words, it’s a perfectly normal Tuesday.

A Sandwich by Any Other Name… Is Still a Hoagie (Apparently)
Today is National Hoagie Day, which sounds simple enough until you realize this “holiday” could single-handedly reignite regional rivalries across the country.

Is it a hoagie? A sub? A hero? A grinder? A sandwich that costs $14 and somehow still falls apart halfway through?

No one agrees, and frankly, that’s half the fun.

In Philadelphia, calling it anything but a hoagie is borderline offensive. In New York, you’ll get a blank stare unless you say “hero.” And somewhere in the Midwest, someone is quietly calling it a “sub” while adding ranch dressing like it’s a personality trait.

But no matter what you call it, today is your excuse to order the biggest, messiest version possible—and pretend it’s about patriotism, not poor decision-making.

Chipotle on Everything—Because Why Not
Also on today’s calendar: National Totally Chipotle Day, which feels less like a holiday and more like a dare.

Chipotle—the smoky, slightly spicy flavor that somehow ended up in everything from mayonnaise to popcorn—gets its own day of recognition. And honestly, it tracks. We are a nation that looked at a perfectly fine sauce and said, “What if it had more personality?”

Now it’s everywhere.

Chipotle aioli. Chipotle ranch. Chipotle something-or-other that probably didn’t need it but got it anyway.

Today is your moment to fully commit. Put it on your sandwich (sorry—hoagie), your fries, maybe even something wildly inappropriate like eggs, and call it “culinary exploration.”

Just know that at some point, you will cross a line. And you won’t know where that line is until it’s too late.

Cartoonists: The Original Internet Trolls (But Funnier)
Balancing out the culinary chaos is National Cartoonists Day, a celebration of the people who have been quietly shaping culture with a pen, a punchline, and just enough attitude to get away with it.

Long before social media comment sections became the Wild West, cartoonists were delivering sharp takes in a single panel—sometimes funny, sometimes biting, and sometimes uncomfortably accurate.

They’ve made us laugh, made us think, and occasionally made us question whether we are, in fact, the punchline.

And while the medium has evolved, the mission hasn’t: say a lot with a little—and make it stick.

So yes, while you’re drowning your hoagie in chipotle sauce today, take a moment to appreciate the people who could turn that exact scenario into a comic strip… and somehow make you feel personally attacked.

America, Explained in One Day
If you step back and really take it in, today is a pretty perfect snapshot of who we are.

We celebrate food—loudly and with strong opinions.
We embrace trends—sometimes a little too enthusiastically.
And we appreciate humor—especially when it’s clever enough to sneak up on us.

Sandwiches, spice, and sarcasm.

Honestly, we’ve done worse.