Celebrate Responsibly: Dog Treats, Cherry Popsicles, and Maybe Extra TP

Well folks, if you’ve been looking for an excuse to eat dessert before dinner, laugh at the quirks of modern life, and give your dog more love than usual, Tuesday, August 26 is your lucky day. America, land of freedom and cheeseburgers, is also the land of very peculiar holidays, and today’s calendar delivers three gems: National Dog Day, National Toilet Paper Day, and National Cherry Popsicle Day. Because why settle for just one celebration when you can pet a pup, hoard bathroom essentials, and stain your lips red with frozen sugar all before sundown?

Let’s start with the easiest one to love: National Dog Day. Finally, a holiday we can all get behind. If you don’t like dogs, I’m convinced you might also hate sunshine, laughter, and maybe even grandma’s apple pie. Dogs are walking, barking antidepressants. They don’t care about your bank account or your political hot takes—just that you came home and that maybe, just maybe, you’ll drop a piece of bacon on the floor. Founded in 2004 by animal advocate Colleen Paige, the day raises awareness about adopting dogs instead of buying from breeders. So yes, you can justify buying your golden retriever a gourmet pup-cup and say you’re “raising awareness.”

But of course, in true American style, we’ve commercialized the whole thing. There are doggie bakeries selling cupcakes with paw prints, “puppuccinos” at Starbucks, and entire aisles of squeaky toys shaped like tacos, beer bottles, and—ironically enough—rolls of toilet paper. And speaking of toilet paper…

National Toilet Paper Day. Yes, this is a thing. And yes, we are apparently supposed to take a moment to bow our heads in gratitude for the humble roll that sits in the corner of the bathroom. If you’ve ever been in a stall and realized too late that the dispenser is empty, you already know why this deserves its own day. The first packaged TP hit the market back in 1857 thanks to Joseph Gayetty, who bragged that his sheets were medicated. Medicinal toilet paper—what a time to be alive.

Fast-forward to today, and TP is so ingrained in our daily lives that we didn’t appreciate it until 2020, when it became more valuable than Bitcoin for about three months. Remember those apocalyptic shopping runs? People were stockpiling 96-roll packs as if Charmin had suddenly become currency. If society collapses, I’m convinced we won’t trade gold—we’ll trade two-ply. So yes, celebrate Toilet Paper Day by restocking, or maybe by teaching your toddler not to unroll the entire thing like a ticker-tape parade.

And then there’s the sweetest observance of the trio: National Cherry Popsicle Day. A holiday clearly invented by dentists who wanted job security. Popsicles have been saving American summers since 1905, when an eleven-year-old named Frank Epperson accidentally left a cup of powdered soda and water outside with a stick in it. Overnight, it froze, and the rest is sticky, delicious history. Now, August 26 gives us permission to lean into brain freeze and red tongues.

But why cherry? Let’s be honest: cherry is the king of popsicle flavors. Grape stains your clothes, orange tastes like watered-down Tang, and the blue one—whatever that actually is—will make your teeth look like you licked a Smurf. Cherry, though, is nostalgic. It’s the flavor of dripping popsicles on a hot August day, the one you trade your little brother for because no one wants lime. Today is your chance to revisit childhood summers, minus the sticky fingers on the couch your mom warned you about.

What’s the best way to celebrate this three-for-one holiday haul? Start with a walk for your dog, let him sniff every single blade of grass while you roll your eyes, then swing by the grocery store to grab a box of cherry popsicles. Afterward, make sure your bathroom is stocked—because nothing ruins a summer day faster than discovering you’re down to the cardboard tube. And while you’re at it, post about it on social media. After all, holidays don’t really exist until you’ve hashtagged them.

So there you have it: a day of pups, pops, and paper. If that doesn’t sum up the American experience, I don’t know what does.