OPINION: Don’t Be an A-hole: A Simple Rule for a Better America

It sounds crude, I know. But hear me out.

“Don’t be an A**hole” isn’t just a motto—it’s a rule I stand by and follow daily. It’s how I try to live, no matter the setting. I believe in putting the shoe on the other foot, offering perspective, and leading with empathy. What if it were you? What if you were on the receiving end of that look, that email, that outburst? That question alone can reset your whole approach. And I can’t help but wonder—if more people paused to ask it before acting, would our world look a little less chaotic?

We are a nation built on ideals: liberty, justice, personal responsibility, and community. But somewhere along the way, we traded decency for dopamine hits. We became so obsessed with being right that we stopped caring about being kind. Social media taught us to clap back harder, meme faster, and go viral for the win—even if it means tearing someone down. Cable news told us that yelling is more compelling than listening. Politics became more about punishing the “other side” than solving problems. And everyday interactions? Well, they started to feel more like transactions than human connection.

We’ve normalized rudeness, glamorized selfishness, and excused bad behavior because it’s “just how people are these days.” But I don’t buy it. I think we’re better than this—we’ve just forgotten how to act like it.

Look around: drivers cutting people off and flipping the bird while running late to yoga class. Grown adults filming their temper tantrums in airports. People who scream at cashiers over expired coupons. We’re exhausted, overstimulated, and out of patience—and we’re taking it out on each other.

And yet, the fix isn’t complicated. It’s not a 10-step self-help guide or a political movement. It’s not something we need to debate in Congress or legislate from the bench. It’s this: Don’t be an A**hole.

It means holding the door open even when you’re in a rush. It means saying “thank you” when someone does their job—yes, even when that job is expected. It means choosing not to escalate a fight online just because you technically “won” the argument. It means thinking twice before you judge a parent whose toddler is melting down in the cereal aisle. You never know what kind of day someone’s having. You never know what’s sitting heavy on their heart.

It also means treating every person from every walk of life with kindness and respect. You are no better than anyone else—regardless of your financial status, the designer name on your handbag, or the trendy bracelet you wear. Manners aren’t reserved for boardrooms and benefit galas. They belong at the diner, the gas station, the post office, and everywhere in between.

And maybe that’s the crux of it: we’ve lost the ability to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Empathy has been sidelined by outrage. Perspective has been replaced by projection. We assume the worst before we ever consider the context. But if we stopped for even five seconds to think, What if it were me?—we might react differently.

This isn’t about letting people walk all over you. You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be decent without being a doormat. In fact, I’d argue it’s the strongest people—the ones with the most integrity—who can stand firm in their values and still lead with compassion.

The rule applies at home, too. It’s easy to be gracious to strangers. Harder, sometimes, to extend that same grace to your spouse, your coworkers, or your kids. But if you live by “don’t be an A**hole,” it covers all of it. It’s not just a way to move through the world—it’s a mindset. One that forces you to slow down, to see others, and to hold yourself to a higher standard.

We like to throw around words like “civility” and “respect,” especially in politics and public life. But those aren’t abstract concepts. They’re built—or broken—through small, everyday actions. A leader who shames people online is telling others it’s okay to do the same. A boss who treats their team like they’re replaceable will never build loyalty. A neighbor who never waves back is creating silence where community should be. These aren’t grand gestures. They’re just missed opportunities.

I’m not perfect at it. None of us are. There are moments where I’ve snapped, sent the sharp email, or assumed the worst. But I try, every single day, to be better. To be the kind of person who makes people feel a little more human. A little more seen.

We spend so much time asking what’s wrong with the world. What if we started asking what we could do, personally, to make it better? Not in some headline-grabbing, legacy-building way—but in the simple, daily choices we make. The tone of voice we use. The way we handle inconvenience. The example we set for the next generation.

So if you’re looking for a philosophy to live by—one that costs nothing, demands only awareness, and improves the world in measurable, quiet ways—start here.

Don’t be an A**hole.

It really is that simple.